i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
