Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
