i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
