I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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