community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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