I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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