why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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