Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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