What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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