I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
