WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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