I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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