So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize