How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
