she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
