nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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