It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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