HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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