Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
