the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Boobs are out for the taking
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
