dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
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yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
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This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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