Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
