my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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