Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
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I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
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Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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