I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
