you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
