dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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