dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
