im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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