Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
