I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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