I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
