Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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