Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
