I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
