I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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