She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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