I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
