I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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