I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
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I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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