I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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