the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
