Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
