Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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