I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
