It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she told me i tasted like america
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
