I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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