Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
