im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
