I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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