just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
