I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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