Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize