If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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