I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Randomize
