is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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