If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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