She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
