Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
