Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
