plz talk dirty to me
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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