I want to have your abortion
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
