she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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