we have officially lost it.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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