There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
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