She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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