Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Terrible idea I love it
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
