Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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