I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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