Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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