i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
