Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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